Letdown, Not Devastated - Kings 3 - Blackhawks 2

I've been sick for 10 days. Flu, head cold, chest cold, uvulitis, and general shittiness. It just so happened that my sickness occurred simultaneously with the Blackhawks' circus trip, when the United Center is overtaken by the Ringling Brothers, so that a new generation of children can be emotionally scarred by a bewildering spectacle of lions, elephants, and clowns. 

This circus trip can be deemed a success, as the Hawks took 8 out of 12 possible points, but last night's game vs. the Kings left a bad taste in my mouth. Losing a 2 goal lead in the 3rd will do that. Living in LA for 5 years, I used to like the Kings, even went to some of their games. But I've grown to hate them for doing exactly what they did last night. Coming up from behind like a lonely and aggressive cell-mate. 

You see, I'm a sports hypocrite. I love it when the Hawks come from behind, like the amazing turnaround against the Ducks, and I hate it when it happens to my team. Did you know that it is morally acceptable to be a hypocrite as long as you acknowledge it? It's true!

Delicious Cake

-Scott Darling. Made some key saves that allowed the Hawks to take a point in both the Kings and Flames games. Generally solid. I have no idea why anybody has anything negative to say about him. He's a big sturdy backup and a class act on and off the ice.




-Patrick Kane. Long live Kane's "Fuck You Tour" of 2015.

-Tanner Kero. If Q lets him, he will develop into a penalty killer, faceoff winner, and overall 2-way asset for years. Seriously. This kid is special. 


So-So Soup

-Artemi Panarin. When his game isn't where he wants it to be, he tends to dangle and make unrealistic passes, which lead to Versteegian turnovers. His upside is so good that these can be forgiven for now, but he needs to learn when to chip the puck in, make a simple pass, and put the puck on net when given a chance. He also seems deathly afraid of being hit, which is a problem in the making. He's still an NHL rookie, so he has time to make these adjustments.





Expired Tuna Salad

-Brandon Mashinter. I guess Q wants an extended look at the guy, but if you look at a turd long enough, it doesn't transform into anything but a turd. Dude is AHL for life, homie.

-Coach Q. Why is Toews playing with Garbutt and Shaw? Why scratch Tanner Kero in the Anaheim game and play Mashinter? Why play Mashinter? I'd rather see Tikhonov instead of Mashinter, and Tikhonov sucks!  Time to bring Bickell back, see what he's learned.

Here's how my fevered brain would roll them out:
Panarin-Anisimov-Kane
Teravainen-Toews-Hossa
Shaw-Kero-Dano
Desjardins-Kruger-Bickell

Noticeably Unnoticed Award for Excellence in Impalpable Impact

-Trevor Daley. Besides missing the net by several feet, what is it that he does?

 
Final Thought: 3 on 3 overtime is garbage. To have valuable points decided by a pickup game is retarded. It should be a 5 on 5 overtime with ties and no loser point.  Just end this charade and do it.

Having games decided on a motherfucking practice drill? Kiss my ass, NHL/NHLPA Competition Committee. Go fuck yourself, NHL Board of Governors. These assholes are considering making the goal bigger. Idiots. What's next, making the puck smaller? Rocket skates? Cobras in the penalty box?

It's a great sport. Stop fucking with it.
 

 

Off the Mat, Into the Flames - Blackhawks 4 - Blues 2

Great game! One of the best ongoing rivalries in sports was rekindled in an exciting, physical contest with a captain fight and questionable hits galore. For the Hawks, it was a really big win against a division opponent. For the Blues, it was further proof that having more hits doesn't mean you win the game. 

The Blackhawks did try to match St. Louis' style of play, taking penalties, and delivering a couple of shady checks. But once Patrick Kane scored late in the 2nd to give the Hawks a 3-2 lead, things settled down and the Hawks played a defensively responsible 3rd period that was boring compared to the fireworks of the first 40 minutes.
 
For reasons unknown even to myself, I've included some biblical throwdown talk in the rest of my analysis, because for at least a night, the righteous have won and the wicked have been defeated. And to those that say the bible has no place in a hockey blog, remember that their throats are open graves, their tongues practice deceit. The poison of vipers is on their lips.






Delicious Cake

-Patrick Kane. Knock knock. Who's there? Patrick Kane. Patrick Kane who? Patrick Kane will rain down blazing coals and burning sulfur on the wicked, punishing them with scorching wristshots! Their stink shall come up out of their carcasses, and the mountains shall be melted with their blood!
 
-Jonathan Toews, the pugilist. Hey David Backes, you think you're just gonna check Hjalmarsson into the boards and not have to step up to our captain's new-found fighting ability? Get real, fuckface! Your hills, your valleys, and your streams will be filled with people slaughtered by Toews' fists. Your cities will never be rebuilt. Then you will know the power of God's true son.


 

So-So Soup

-Breakaways. Can someone other than Artem Anisimov score on a breakaway? Is is too hard to go one-on-one with a goalie over a dozen times and only have 2-3 goals to show for it? The Hawks are getting at least one breakaway chance every game, and they're blowing it. Practice that shit, boys, for those who sharpen their sword take hold of judgment, and will inflict vengeance on their adversaries.    
   

Expired Tuna Salad

-Marko Dano's hit on Robby Fabbri. There is no place in the game for that garbage. A crosscheck to the back of a player facing the boards who doesn't possess the puck is cheap and dirty. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.



-Rozsival and Daley pairing. Hey Q! Yeah, I'm talking to you! DON'T EVER PUT MICHAL ROZSIVAL AND TREVOR DALEY OUT AT THE SAME TIME! You shouldn't combine slow with sucky, Joel. They should take away one of your rings for that dumb shit.


"Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment."


That concludes today's bible study. May we warm ourselves on the slain Flames of Calgary later this eve. Amen. 

Nyquil On Ice - Devils 3 - Blackhawks 2

This game was frustrating to watch. Even though Lou Lamoriello is no longer affiliated with the New Jersey Devils, his legacy of boring hockey lives on. The Devils are Nyquil on ice, and they've been that way for 20 years. Along with the Hawk's inability to show any scoring touch beyond Kane and Panarin, you have a recipe for a "let's check stats and Twitter on my phone while I watch" type of game.  It got interesting late in the 3rd when Panarin tied it up, and then it got upsetting when the Devils scored 8 seconds into their power play just 4 minutes later. Hawks lose. No consistency. Prognosis not so good.

Delicious Cake  

-2nd line. Kane, Anisimov, and Panarin are responsible for 22 of the 41 goals scored by the Hawks so far. That's 53% of the team's goals. That percentage would be great if other Hawks were scoring, too. But they're not. The Hawks are currently scoring 2.56 goals per game, 18th in the league. That's not enough to win games. 




So-So Soup

-3rd line. I realize that the 3rd line is a couple of rookies that haven't found their NHL groove yet, plus Teravainen, but something's gotta give.




Expired Tuna Salad

-4th line. They're not expected to score because no one on that line besides Shaw is capable of scoring anything other than a garbage goal, a rebound, or a stuff-in. Why not put a scorer on that line? Put Dano or Kero in there for a few games. Or hell, put Teravainen in there. And for more than just a game, Q. Desjardins and Kruger are capable of occupying the offensive zone just fine, and if they had someone with an accurate wrister to pass to, the 4th line would be more of a threat. As of now, the 4th line is about as threatening as a pillowcase full of marshmallows.

-1st line. So that leaves a huge fucking question mark with the 1st line. What the fuck? Q is shoving guys into the Hossa-Toews line for a game or two and then blowing it up. Not every line is going to show instant chemistry. Sometimes you have to leave something alone for a while in order for chemistry to grow. That's how penicillin was discovered.  I've been pushing for Teravainen to have an extended look, but that might not be the best fit. The 1st line needs 2013 Bryan Bickell. Since time travel isn't widely available, they need the equivalent of that. The 1st line needs a big body to screen the goalie and create space for Toews and Hossa to do their thing. That's what Anisimov does for the 2nd line, and those guys are on fire. The problem is that no one on the roster fits that ideal. Viktor Tikhonov has size but he blows. Brandon Mashinter... no. I'd say Marko Dano deserves a shot, but truthfully, the Hawks might have to make a trade to get a forward with size who isn't afraid of standing in front of the net. Jesus, who would've thought that a line with Toews and Hossa would be such a clusterfuck?




Noticeably Unnoticed Award for Excellence in Impalpable Impact

-Andrew Desjardins. Played some on the penalty kill, but not a solid game overall. 


Final Thoughts:

Supposedly, both Duncan Keith and Michal Rozsival are playing on Saturday vs. the Blues. This is both good news and bad news. It's good news because the defense gets bolstered by the irreplaceable Keith and we get to see just what Rozi is capable of in his advanced age. The bad news is the worrying that comes with watching either of them play. 

Last year, when Kane came back from his collarbone injury to play in the 1st game of the Nashville series, I remember cringing whenever he got touched. I didn't know if the injury had entirely healed, or if he was rushed back just because it was the playoffs. I could only hope that he was safe to play in a heavy hitting series. 

Now I'm paranoid for Keith because St. Louis is a physical team that often veers into the dirty. I can see a Ryan Reaves, David Backes, or Steve Ott purposely try to test Keith's recovered knee. There is always a push to shorten the return date for an athlete, and hopefully Keith is fully healed. My unsubstantiated worry is that he's being rushed back because the Hawks are a mediocre to sub-par team that is at risk to miss the playoffs, and his knee is still vulnerable. I worry because I love.

Being There - Blackhawks 4 - Oilers 2

I just came back from a family wedding in Chicago, and since I was in Chicago, and the Hawks were playing on Sunday, I had a chance to see them play in person. I haven't been to the United Center since December of 2010 (I moved to LA in January, 2011). Blackhawks beat the Red Wings 4-1. It was stupid cold that night, with a low of 12 degrees. It was so cold that people fought each other for taxis outside the UC. Me and my friend couldn't get a cab, and after 20 minutes of being outside, I went into some sort of survival panic. Every organ in my body was awake and my muscles got tense and my brain was telling me to find someplace warm.

We walk/ran to the Cobra Lounge, a "hard rock" bar. That place blows, but it was sweet sanctuary to me that night. Called a cab from the place and went home. I had already planned my move to LA, and this was confirmation that I had made the right decision. It's just too fucking cold in Chicago. Go ahead and tell yourself that the winters aren't that bad or that it builds character. Bullshit. Don't deny the suckage. It's a miserable grey time that you never get back. Snow is pretty for a day or two, then it's 4 months of black slush. Fuck a winter, man.




But enough of my ongoing war with winter.

Since I moved to LA, I've seen the Hawks play 3 times, twice at the Staples Center and once at the Air Canada Centre in Toronto. Away games. I've been deprived of the hometown experience.

I forgot how much better the experience is at your team's hockey arena vs. watching it on TV at home. For one thing, everybody around you is cheering for the Hawks, which doesn't happen in other arenas for some reason. There are no shitty announcers rambling on, trying to fill time with corny golf jokes, or excessive analysis, or commercials for that matter. Just breaks in the action. It's a clean hockey experience, and if I could, I would see every game the Hawks play there.  


Delicious Cake

-Patrick Kane. 4 point night. Dude's on a 10 game point streak. His backhander in the 3rd was unfair to blind people, who will never see it. He's simply the best player in the NHL right now.

-Artemi Panarin. Ol' Bread-Face got his groove back, scoring 2 goals in the 1st period including a snipe from a sharp angle. Strong game from the Russian rookie.





So-So Soup

-Trevor Daley. Not too many screw ups in his own end, but for a guy who's supposed to be an offensive defenseman, it doesn't seem like he knows where the net is. His favorite shot is missing the net by 3 feet. No goals through 15 games. He's gotta find a way to score or someone will replace him. 

Expired Tuna Salad

-Viktor Tikhonov. So far, he's the worst free agent addition to the roster. He played a team low 5:54 of ice time, and took a shitty penalty that the Oilers were able to capitalize on, keeping them in the game until the Kane backhander. Through 15 games, of which he has dressed 10 times, he has 0 goals and 0 assists. I don't see what positive contributions he brings to the Hawks, besides smoothing out Panarin's transition to North America, which will help Panarin in the long run. Once Panarin gets acclimated to being in the NHL and living in America, I don't think Tikhonov has a place in this organization.

Noticeably Unnoticed Award for Excellence in Impalpable Impact

-Teuvo Teravainen. Not the best game from the young Finnish dandy. He has yet to gel with the top line of Toews-Hossa, but that can change pretty fast.  The kid's a wizard. He'll come through.




 

Manic Depression - Blues 6 - Blackhawks 5 (OT)

Well, that was fun. And then it sucked. Hard. Couldn't hang on to a 5-2 lead and just blew it all to fucking hell.

I don't have time for a full write-up because I am on my way to a wedding in Chicago. Got tickets to the Sunday game vs. Edmonton.

Here's some clips that cheered me up last night, after the shitty loss to them Blues cocksuckers...







Get it? I dislike Barret Jackman, and he doesn't even play for the Blues anymore.

Also, I greatly dislike David Backes, who might have injured his own goalie last night by shoving Toews right into said goalie.  Here's more of Backes' greatest hits...





Alright, that'll do it. I'm off.

An Unexpected Comeback - Blackhawks 4 - Kings 2

I fully expected the Hawks to lose. After the standstill 2nd period, I figured the flat play was indicative of growing pains that would last for a while, especially with Hossa out, bringing the number of players from last year's active roster to 8. I figured the Hawks that weren't here last year would not know how to finish, that they had to learn and solidify before making the leap to beating good Western Conference teams. I was wrong. Sort of. The core of Toews and Kane will always be a threat to pull off a blitzkrieg of goals, as are anybody playing on a line with them. Kane and Toews were involved in all 4 goals scored, with a goal and an assist each. A 3-goal third period, along with Crawford coming alive after looking vulnerable early to stop all 25 shots in the final 2 periods, wrapped up a win that I thought would be a shitty loss to the surging Kings. I was genuinely surprised and elated, which I haven't felt since Columbus, 5 games ago. Let's get to it...




Delicious Cake

-Jonathan Toews. Scored the first goal on a brilliant feed by Garbutt, and assisted on the dagger to the face goal by Anisimov, late in the 3rd. 




-Artem Anisimov. Seems like he's the only guy who can score on a breakaway this year (besides Panarin on opening night). Anisimov is a true talent that I was unaware of, having been playing in the bowels of hockey hell, Columbus. He is the big 2nd line center the Hawks have always needed, and I hope he stays around for a long time.

-Kane. Patrick Kane. This motherfucker injected life into the game (and my bored brain) with an unsuspecting shot that flew over the shoulder of an unsuspecting Jonathan Quick. All of a sudden, the game was tied, and the momentum shifted to the Hawks. Then he follows that up with a behind the back, behind the net pass to Teuvo, who scored to put the Hawks up 3-2. He's on a 7 game point streak. He went on a tear last year before breaking his collarbone, and it seems like he's picking up where he left off. It's very likely that he'll surpass his high of 88 points in 2010.

So-So Soup

-The 3rd line. I gotta cut these guys some slack, because they are being thrust into a trial by fire situation. It's needed, though, as the roster got gutted after last year. Couple that with Hossa's injury and Bickell's cadaverous efforts, the only option is to put together a best-of-Rockford 3rd line, and hope they can find a way to contribute. Q should give the Kero-Dano-Hartmann-Baun-Hinostroza experiment some leeway, and hopefully they'll manage to contribute in a positive way. But as of now, it's just a bunch of bewildered young-ins, slapping around the puck, trying not to suck.  


Expired Tuna Salad

-Bryan Bickell. Oh, he didn't play last night? Well, I don't think anybody played terribly last night, so this is gonna be about ol' thin hair, garbage face, float around the ice, 6' 4" but won't use it, 5 shots in 7 games, $4 million salary cap albatross. He's like somebody you date for 2 months, fall in love with, is awesome, and then reverts back to the mediocre person they truly are, and you stay with them for 6 more months, hoping they can retrieve the spirit of the person you fell in love with. In my experience, it doesn't happen. 

It wouldn't be so bad if he hadn't shown the potential to be great. It makes me feel like a fool for believing he could sustain it. I'm glad the Hawks and Q have tried to make it work, exhausting the issue until there was no choice but to send him down to the minors. I hope he finds his game again, and I hope the Cubs will win the World Series in my lifetime. These things will never happen. Smell ya later, Bicks.




Noticeably Unnoticed Award for Excellence in Impalpable Impact

-Ryan Hartman. Least time on ice with under 10 minutes. It's unclear what he brings. Coach knows he ain't ready. He ain't ready. 

Final Thought:

I can't wait for the St. Louis game on Wednesday. I have hated this current Blues team since 2011, when David Backes was named captain. At one point, the Blues roster had Maxim Lapierre, Steve Ott, Barret Jackman, Ryan Reaves, and Roman Polak. That's 5 of the most despicable hockey players, all on one team. Other guys on the team get in on the after whistle noogies, which I think is because of Backes, who leads like a dirty cop, allowing all below him to try to get away with petty bullshit. By the way, Backes has 13 points and 32 penalty minutes in 29 career playoff games. What a leader. 


He's a mighty good leader


The departure of Jackman, who I hate the most, makes them a little less hateable, but not by much. I still maintain that Jackman would not look out of place in an SS uniform. He has that casually evil look to him that is only amplified by his shitbaggery after the whistle. Seriously, if he hears any whistle, even if it's a traffic cop, he is bound by Satanic order to cross check somebody in the neck, children and dogs included. 


More of this, please.
 

I do not like the St. Louis Blues and desire their continued failure. 
 

Another Crawford Shutout, Another Toews OT Winner - Blackhawks 1 - Ducks 0

For about 50 minutes, this game resembled the Tampa Bay game from a couple nights ago. It was lifeless, goalless, BORING hockey. That all changed in the last ten minutes of the 3rd. Hooo boy, that was a fun 10+ minutes! The pace quickened, and both teams started playing the type of emotionally charged, helter skelter hockey that everyone likes. Both teams had significant goal mouth chances, even if they blew them all (hello, Corey Perry).

Then there's the controversy with Frederik Andersen pushing the net off its moorings right before Artemi Panarin shot it past him, late in the 3rd. This resulted in a no-goal call by the refs, and rightfully so, because the net was clearly dislodged before Panarin got his shot off. But it pissed me off and made me wonder about 2 things: 1) Is there not a penalty on the books about a goalie kicking his own net off on a clear scoring chance? and  2) I think there's something wrong with one of the moorings on that net, as Marian Hossa dislodged it easily a few minutes after the Andersen incident. Supposedly, the United Center got all new boards and I assume new glass, because the old glass partitions often came apart during games, and even injured a fan last year. My point is, if they replaced the boards and glass, they might've replaced the moorings, and those moorings might be shit. It's worth paying attention to as the season continues.

It all should've ended on the Panarin goal, but it went to OT, where after an extended attack by the Ducks, Jonathan Toews countered with the game winner, again. Let's get into it...


Delicious Cake

-Jonathan Toews. 2 straight overtimes, 2 straight game winning goals. Holy shit, that guy is the clutchiest clutch that ever clutched! 




-Corey Crawford. 2nd straight shutout, and this one was definitely more difficult than the Tampa shutout. He managed to stop all 19 shots Anaheim threw at him in the 3rd, and made a sick sliding save in OT that allowed Toews to get his chance.  He always steps up at the right time. Love that guy.


So-So Soup

-Teuvo Teravainen. The young Finn is struggling to get the puck on net. He has 5 shots on goal in the past 4 games. Last night, he was throwing passes around that didn't find anybody. Perhaps it's his linemates, Hinostroza and Garbutt. We've seen what Teuvo can do, and it's a bit maddening to watch him try to make flashy passes to guys with middling puck handling skills. He needs to be paired up with another playmaker, and if that doesn't happen, he needs to start shooting the puck, because everybody is expecting him to pass, which leads to giveaways. Kane learned that lesson, and I'm confident that Teuvo will learn, too. Speaking of too many passes...


Expired Tuna Salad

-Taking shots. The Hawks only put up 24 shots, and it wasn't because of a stifling Anaheim defense, that's for sure. There were just too many goddamn cross ice passes. If you have the chance, get close and try to put it past the goalie. The Blackhawks are known for using the cross ice pass, therefore, teams that have played them a lot (Anaheim) expect it and are able to defend against it. I lost count on the number of times a pass was broken up when a shot on goal would have been a good option.


That's great, kid. Now shoot it!


Noticeably Unnoticed Award for Excellence in Impalpable Impact

-Trevor Daley, for the 2nd straight game. His serviceable, mediocre play is decisively adequate.


Final Thought:

I live in LA. Because of this, if the Ducks are playing, I am forced to watch them on the local affiliate, Fox Sports Prime. This sucks because Brian Hayward, Anaheim's color analyst, is the worst. He is the most obnoxious, homerific ass. Others have noticed, as well. He always wants more penalties called on the other team. He doesn't see anything wrong if it's done by a Duck, and even if it's right in front of him on his own replay screen, he routinely gets basic facts wrong. 

Not even a minute into the game, when Corey Crawford took a shot to the chin, and the slo-mo replay showed Crawford clearly taking a puck to the bottom of his mask, Hayward said (paraphrasing), "Looks like Crawford took a shot to the sternum. Definitely the sternum. He's got a lot of protection there, I don't know why he went down to the ice." Brian Hayward, worst in the business. 


Brian Hayward